On My Knees

Have you ever prayed for something so fervently that your tears could fill the bathroom sink? Have you found yourself on your knees enough to be dependent on supernatural strength to help you rise again? It is a bittersweet feeling, to be so intimate with the Father yet petitioning so passionately about a prayer. It’s the place your heart is torn apart yet being mended at the same time. It is the paradox of faith, knowing He will answer even when circumstances seem as if they won’t measure up to that promise.

“Why not now, Lord?” is the melody on repeat in my head. We have waited and waited, and it seems as though it would be good timing. I ask Him to rid me of myself- my impurities and rebellious nature, so that I may be found faultless in His eyes. And I cling to James 5:16 with my every being that says the “earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power.” I call upon Heaven to open the floodgates and release an outpouring. My request is one not of personal profit but rather a cry for freedom. A petition for a sister whose life reveals obedience and whose heart is in pursuit of righteousness.

I have never been so up close and personal with someone struggling with addiction, but it is suffocating and exhausting to wait on breakthrough. Now before anyone is quick to allow a thought of judgment to surface, I believe we have all been addicts of some sort. We have all had a lust of the flesh that constantly craved to be satisfied, yet for those who face substance addiction, it is an observable cycle of desire. 

Day in and day out I have to face the reality that I serve a God beyond time. For the moments and days I have counted on the calendar are irrelevant to Him. It is not an easy concept to grasp. It is a constant wrestle to dispel the fear of wondering how long it will go on and grasp a hold of faith.

I received the promise. I know He is delivering her from that stronghold. He will finish the redemption that He started. It will come crashing in like a mighty wave hitting the ocean shore, or like roaring thunder moving across the open skies. The sound of praise will echo throughout His creation.

No stone will be left on top another. Christ is taking these earthly temples and making them wholly and completely a pure dwelling place for Him to reside. And while He is remaking and rebuilding, I will celebrate amidst the process. He is still tearing down stones within me to reconstruct a better-fit home for His Spirit, and I know He will do the same for every one of His children. So while I witness and await the varying phases of His total transformation, I will find Him on my knees as He catches my ever tear (Psalm 56:8) and join the sound of Heaven because freedom is here.

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